a box of wonders

I don’t know if I should be pleased or suicidal.

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This is weird, but freaking real for me: I’m intimidated by numbers. Bukan berarti gue pucet or pingsan setiap nemu nomor telepon, tanggalan, or apapun yang ada angkanya. Kalo ngeliat doang sih normal-normal aja.

Problem baru muncul kalo gue harus work with numbers.

Behold the examples:

a. menghitung duit cash dalam skala gede. Kmaren baru aja kejadian lagi, gue pegang segepok duit total 10 juta yang harus dibagi-bagi untuk beberapa pembayaran. Cuman ngitungin lembaran doang, but gue miscalculated belasan kali!

b. menghitung duit cash dalam skala kecil. Yup ini juga terjadi di skala kecil, starting from nominal 50ribu. Pokoknya kalo ngeluarin duit mulai dari nilai segitu, trus dikasih kembalian, sangat-sangat jarang gue beneran itung tuh kembalian. You might see me ngecek bon and itungin duit kembaliannya tapi itu cuman akting doang yang jalan secara otomatis, sementara otak gue totally numb, almost idle.

c. ngeliat jam analog. Gue umumnya ngelag 1 - 3 detik untuk bisa nyebut itu jam brapa. Brain freeze. It’s like begitu gue ngeliat jam dan mau nerjemahin itu jam brapa, tuh otak langsung ngambek gitu. Dan biasanya jauh lebih ngambek lagi kalo orang nanya jam ke gue. Bisa sampe lima detikan, makanya gue skarang dah terbiasa untuk nyodorin jam aja ke orangnya supaya dia liat sendiri, daripada gue malu. Duh..

d. menghitung duit dalam pembukuan, invoice, or whatever yang pake tabel-tabel gitu. Kalo di sini kompleks macem-macem, mulai dari takut salah and jadinya beneran salah itung sampe ke brainfreeze and akhirnya ngerasa stress padahal blon mulai ngapa-ngapain. Especially kalo dari first sight gue ngeliat tuh tabel nya panjang ke bawah lengkap dengan nama-namanya.

e. ngebaca not angka lagu. Ngerasa eneg.

f. ngerjain simple maths, kayak penjumlahan, pengurangan, perkalian, dan pembagian. This is so pathetic. 18+6 aja gue perlu mikir 2-3 detik, as well as 19+7, 23-8, and any other number yang variabel angka satuannya di atas angka 5.

g. ngeliat tanggalan. Pasti ngelag beberapa detik juga untuk bisa nyari hari dan tanggal brapa.

And kayaknya masih banyak lagi yang blon kepikir ama gue.

Salah satu efek lainnya adalah gue selalu ilangin petunjuk waktu di kamar gue. So if you come to my room, you won’t find jam weker ataupun tanggalan sama sekali.

Ada satu jam dinding, tapi itu dah mati semenjak setahun yang lalu, jarum jamnya di pukul 4 kurang 18 menit. Sengaja gue menit taro di sana supaya untuk nipu diri kalo gue tuh cepet baca jam analog. Ada tanggalan, tapi itu juga Oktober 2004, ditaro buat pajangan aja seolah-olah beneran.

Time doesn’t exist in my room. It’s eternal life here. Mo stay young and healthy, mari berkunjung ke mari. Hahaha..

This is going to be loooooooong nite. Hopefully everything runs well.

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This is an evening of Broadway Favourites with action-filled drama. From the opening chants in a Benedictine monastery and Maria of The Sound of Music, the music switch immediately to All That Jazz from Chicago. Cinderella and her step sisters stepped out into the lights with Cinderella singing In My own Corner and then to find the Prince in Do I Love You. This proved that Love Changes Everything. A song from West Side Story - Something’s Coming will introduce Big Spender from Sweet Charity then followed by pieces from Jeckyl & Hyde - In His Eyes and Take Me As I Am. My Fair Lady medley comes in with On The Street Where You Live and Wouldn’t It Be Loverly. The Finale promise one big Carousel and more cabaret songs that will make you wish the evening will never end.

Lets see my track record so far:

• I never vote on general election. I did go to the booth, but I manicly punched the election paper everywhere except the expected candidate pictures.
• Legally I’m a christian, but I found the church and its snakeoil preachers harmful for my faith.
• I condemn the concept of pacaran; it’s the most evil and obnoxious way to celebrate love.
• I laugh at and clown people who claim they have a good and wonderful life.
• I never really study my exam subjects. I study the teacher’s pattern instead, and trust on my guts.
• I love Mondays.
• I go dating on any days except Saturdays.
• I read bible like a philosophical dessert, and philosophical books like spiritual retreat.
• I love plump girls.
• I don’t solve problems. I just unsolve the answer.
• I can’t name more than two vice presidents of Indonesia, and just last month I completely forgot the current one’s name.
• etc.

If there’s anything I’m really good at, it’s about breaking and living out of the system.

Last nite, a friend over dinner mentioned that, “But now you’re in the system!” He was right, and I still remember how much I suffer upon hearing it.

It was the discussion when I told him about how my current job changes my daily life. I got an office job since last month and it has been freaking me out. It messes my whole mind body equilibrium so much that I develop strange mood swings everyday.

Getting a daily job is one of the key points in having a normal life. I’ve been jobless and hopping from one project to another all these years. No fixed 9-5 time table, no list of job description, no corporate policy, no taunting colleagues or bosses, etc. I was living a happy abnormal professional life.

Until I was accepted at this company three weeks ago.

A good company with powerful vision and excellent director. Nothing one could ask for more in one company. It’s like a dream job.

But just with that one tiny remark my friend gave a few hours ago, I was pressed to think that this may not be the suitable job for me. Or stepping even further, I can’t stand being in the system. Daily job, office hours, etc block my life creative chi.

This may just due to my first months. Or probably not. But one thing I know for sure is I’m so accustomed, and probably built, for living outside of the system. Can’t say I’m not proud of it, but it’s not as fun, cool, and easy as it sounds either.

Guess I need to think a lot about this job.

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Me and my shameless mind. When am I going to learn from this kind of mistakes..

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